Inspired.

Tonight I have this weird opportunity... its this thing called "no homework." It definitely comes in rare form, so I decided to take the opportunity to do what I love doing tonight - read. Perfect chance also, one of my mentors let me borrow a book today called "a city on our knees" By Toby Mac. It's a book filled with short stories on how teens and adults do simple, extraordinary things to make a huge impact. A quote from the book caught me off guard... it was one of those times where I knew I needed to hear that exact line. Funny stuff, right? The quote was, (I'm going to put my name in instead) "Lauren, this isn't you running from me. It's me leading you into a greater understanding of my heart."

As I process this summer, I'm challenged by what I want to do to make this world better than I came in it. Of course my passion for teaching in the inner-city is still there, but is there more? More than anything from this summer, I miss the 30 kids I worked, mentored, laughed and cried with. I do miss each child in particular, but most of all I miss working with at risk youth in general. I miss the love, atmosphere, break throughs and challenges. 

To say it lightly, this isn't necessarily what my family wants for me. Of course "dangerous" comes to mind, and they try to convince me not to... and sometimes I buy into it. However how can I deny the passion of pursuing a greater understanding of His heart? While working with kids in the city, I would catch myself often praying "God, I just don't want to see this anymore. It's too much. Too broken." But time and time again I was reminded that God doesn't have a blind eye, He doesn't shove people into the margins.

I received an email a few days ago that I wasn't sure I was going to post. I reviewed it though and changed all the names of the people involved, and truly am showing it to you to open your eyes and possibly encourage you. This is an email I received from one of my boys at a homeless shelter that I worked with this summer. He is 13. 

hey lauren, dont no if u remember me but this is joshua from chicago. well i guess u probly member me cause i was always be gettn in fights lolol. i asked fo ur email a long time ago but i nvr emailed u... not becase i didnt want 2 but bc u kno how hard it b to get priveges for the computer here. i just wanted to drop in nd say hiiii... o so do u member wen u furst started at bein our teacher? u came in tht day and onestly i just laughed. i was thinkin,... how long til dis 1 gives up? i laughed for about a wek til i realized tht u might actually b carin. sometimes i got into fights with devon just so tht u culd break it up and take us 2 the hallway.. you would always make us talk about our isue nd thn we had to pray abt it... i always complained about havin to pray... but i actually liked it... i miss prayin wit chu. its the only time i ever prayed. its rlly awsome.. i luv it. i guess u can c tht i miss u round here...  nd demi n i still talk about u. we hv a new lady come in teachin us math n shit but she looses her cool everytime a fight beaks out.. she isnt as luving as u r. maybe bc u love jesus to.

u can email me bak but idk wen i can get on the computer again.. im goin to sexton school now.. alot more fghting but u would b proud cuz i try 2 stay away from tht shit now. its not worth my time...jus like u said. com bak to chicago soon miss lauren.. pleaseeeeee... promise i wont b gettn in no fights no more.

Trying to be patient while I get through school so that I can go out and BE the church. This wait is long... Very long.

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"And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness." Isaiah 58:10

What Love Can Do

I think that posting stories on here will 1. Keep me motivated to blog, and 2. Maybe be an encouragement to someone. :)

Yesterday during Vacation Bible School, yet another fight broke out caused by one of my boys - Molique. That fight marked number 21 for the week (just for him), and I quickly realized that I need some other method in order for that craziness to end. Let me tell you a little bit about this beautiful boy. Molique is an 7 year old kid, yet acts like a 20 year old. His face is always serious, and I rarely catch him smiling. Molique never cries, but instead gets angry and hits. He has a twin and 5 older siblings, all living in a 15x15 room at a homeless shelter. Molique is a part of the Latin Kings gang. Since he is only 7, his job as of right now is "guard." While things go down on the streets, he is the look out. He is looking forward to moving up in rank though.

When I caught him kicking a 13 year old in the stomach, I took a deep breath and took him into the hallway - again. This routine happens just minutes after I return to the classroom after I talk to the last kids who got in a fight. When I sat Molique down this time, instead of telling him how I expect better, how violence isn't tolerated, and how he will receive a warning, I took a different approach. I sat him down, looked him in the eyes and told him how much I loved him. I told him that he was such a servant, that he brought joy to the class and that I love seeing him each and every day. I told him that he doesn't always have to be so strong, that he is only 7 and should still be able to play like a kid. Throughout this, he didn't say a word. However when I looked down at him, he was silently crying. Once he saw me looking at him, he turned around, leaned into my shirt and sobbed. He sat there, shaking and crying for 15 minutes, each of us not saying anything. He then got up, nodded at me, and grabbed cups to serve lunch to his friends. The rest of the day he was fight-free and he was going out of his way to serve. 

Molique showed me how important it is to relax a little. In my class I have three rival gangs. I cant expect to have a "low-violence day" unless each and every one of these kids understand how much they are loved. I have learned more from a bunch of kids in the "ghetto" than I have from high-educated people. I'm going to miss these kids terribly... its incredible to see the improvement they have made from day one. They have stretched me more than I thought possible this summer.

More stories to come... :) 

Chicago Update ::

So. Where do i even begin? I admit that I have been the worst blogger, life has gotten crazy. To explain my lack of blogging and my "average" day to day, I will give you a run down of what I have been doing. When groups first arrive, I give the leaders a leaders meeting, and then I give my whole group orientation. We then then get to head to a restaurant and then I give them a two hour long prayer tour of the south side. We talk about the public school system, gangs, housing projects, homelessness etc It is very deep time and can often be an overwhelming start to the week for groups. The next day we begin the day we load back into the 15 passenger van to our morning "anchor" site. My anchor site is CCO where I teach 30 homeless children about Jesus and His love. I will tell you more about that later. After that, I direct my group to our afternoon site.. this can be anything from a soup pantry, homeless shelter, food depository, etc. I lead my group how to serve there and I get to build relationships there. After that we usually head to some kind of ethnic restaurant. Which is usually always, delicious. :) We then head back to our housing site, they have their "shower time" in our lovely locker rooms and then I get to sit down with the group for about an hour and debrief with them. We talk about stereotypes, whats on their heart, how they see God working in the city, etc. We also have activities such as Immersion where I give each person 2 dollars and a cta card and send the groups into the city. They are told they are homeless for the night and need to use the 2 dollars to find dinner for themselves. I'm amazed at how creative groups can be.

So anyway, this is an extremely brief overview of a typical hosting day. We live without an air conditioner, and most times I host from 8AM and get done with my group at about 1130 at night. That includes getting all the finances for the next day as well. As you can tell, its hot and exhausting. Very exhausting. But oh so worth it.

At my anchor site, working with the 30 homeless kids I mentioned earlier, I couldn't be happier. My eyes  always tear up when I see my kids walk in the room and faces light up when they see me. They give me a HUGE hug and seem genuinely happy to be there. However, not minutes later they are getting in fights, cursing the place up, kicking each other and throwing crafts. To get the kids to listen up during the Bible story is a miracle in itself. At this particular anchor site, I am the head person in charge. I have to handle all the discipline and earn these kids respect. I cannot even begin to tell the stories of the crazy things my kids have done to get in trouble.. but for some reason I still want to teach them. Crazy??

Although the day is long and hard and I get emotionally sick of breaking up fights, there are those few times where God shows up and reminds me that this is worth it. For instance, those few times a kid looks up at you and says "Wow, God really does love me." or you see a kid go from cursing you out to singing a praise song whole-heartedly, or a 10 year old tells you that he is resisting joining a gang because he feels like there is actually something more to this life. Those things - those things make it worth it.

I could make this blog a dissertation - my heart is so heavy from each and every ministry site. I absolutely love serving all day long, however I am beginning to get exhausted. Please pray for the  kids - that they will get even a glimpse of who Jesus may be. pray for my groups - that they can take what they learned home with them, and please pray for myself. That I have the energy to keep truckin' along. Thank you guys. You rock :)

Church.

This morning was incredible. I'm not the biggest "blogger" but I need to process through this, and want others to be praying as well.

This morning half our group decided we wanted to go to Jpusa (Jesus People USA) and the other half would go to Uptown Baptist. Jpusa is a "hippie" church, and I had my heart set on it. Its pronounces Ja-poo-sa. Seriously? So cool! It started a half hour earlier than uptown baptist, so we left early. Very early.

However, you cannot count on public transit. We waited for the bus for what seemed like forever, and by the time that it came we realized we were going to be really late. All I could think was, "Really God? I pour myself out all week, and I just want to be filled." My thoughts and actions were completely selfish. When we finally got off the bus, it was too late to go to Jpusa, however across the street we would have been right on time for Uptown Baptist. I was still angry. Dont ask me why, but I was just irrationally frustrated. I didn't want to go there.

When we got in, so many were crying. I didn't understand, and honestly didn't give it much thought. As the people piled in, I noticed that just about every race was present - and we were the minority. It was pretty incredible. On the walls were different colored banners all saying "Jesus Christ" in different languages.

After worship, the pastor came up to speak. He said there had been a death in the family of the church. Just this weekend he took the teenage boys on a youth retreat to get them out of the city. During a break in the retreat, the pastor took the boys to a pond as he watched them under a shaded tree. He noticed that a boy, who was swimming next to his son didn't make it across. He jumped in the pond and didn't make it in time. The pastor screamed and hit the pulpit, angry that he couldn't save him. Half the congregation fled to him and encouraged him while he wept.

Another man came up to him, took the microphone and praised Jesus for taking this 16 year old. For taking him out of an area of violence and heartbreak. He praised him for the things the boy got to experience and the lives he touched. That man was the boys father. He didn't hesitate or doubt, he had faith like I've never seen before. Remember, this death happened yesterday.

The service went on talking about praising during the hard times, and what it looks like to encourage others the way Christ did. Walking away from that service I was speechless, our whole group was actually. Then, God showed me His grace again. 


Walking down the church steps, as I was stumbling to find my CTA card to hop on the bus, a man approached us. This isn't uncommon... I can't count the amount of people who have approached me wanting money. But this guy was different. He said that the Lord stirred in him that he needs to quit his addiction of cigarettes in order to pursue Him purely. He wanted our group of 10 people to surround him in prayer in order to overcome this. I was overjoyed, yet cautious. As we finished praying, I was still expecting a plea for money. However, when we finished he thanked us over and over again, and offered to pay for our lunch.

God has shown up so much in just one morning. I didn't even want to go where God was leading me this morning. Please continue to pray as I'm forced to grow this summer.. its unreal the things my heart has been processing.

Chicago

Well, it looks like I made it to Friday!! Its been a crazy busy first week... I never thought I could soak up so much information in such a short amount of time. Through this week, we have been visiting all of the ministry sites we will be serving at this Summer, learning about the people we get to serve and how passionately we all want to show the light of Christ to those who are broken here.  We have also been studying our prayer tours that take about 1.5 to 2 hours. All of us have been educated about the city each day, and some things seriously have stuck out to me. Here in Chicago there are 100,000 gang members, only 10% of children who start kindergarten will graduate, and the average lifespan of a gang member is 21. Since the Chicago Public School system is so in debt (900 MIL), there are schools closing. When that happens, schools have to combine which causes rival gangs to combine as well. Even school here is incredibly dangerous. Learning about the city has been not only physically, but emotionally exhausting. I'm blessed to have a great group of staff with me to process the start to an incredible summer.

In case you guys aren't familiar with CSM and what it does, I'll give you a (quick) rundown. In a week, after training, we will be receiving groups from all over America. Each group will be assigned a city host (which is what I am), and we are there to take our groups to all of the ministry sites and serve with them, take them to restaurants and give them a prayer tour of the city. We are there to process with the groups what they are seeing and debriefing with them at the end of each day.

Yesterday was the much anticipated day. We received our anchor sites!! This is the place that we will be working at each day throughout the summer, and we will have other, not so consistant, sites at night such as food pantries, homeless shelters, etc. My anchor site is a place called CCO, Cornerstrone Community Outreach. This is a homeless shelter in uptown Chicago.. located in one a pretty rough place. My groups will be in charge of putting on a VBS each day. I'm really excited for the connections I will make with the kids there.. and already praying for their hearts. As you can probably guess, these children are prone to fighting - its just what they know. Please pray with me for this incredible ministry site and what God is going to do. I will be switching from this place to a place called By The Hand every other week with another CSM staff. There we will be working with low-income children who are struggling in school. I haven't learned as much about this site, but I am excited for it as well. :)

This past week, I've learned that reading maps isn't so scary after all :) I've learned how to get to places and that was one huge concern of mine coming into this Summer. All together, everything has wonderfully fell into place this week. I'm anticipating groups coming in about a week, but for now I will enjoy the rest of tonight off AND tomorrow with the other CSM hosts. After a few 15 hour days in a row, it is much needed. :)